I think the most important thing to remember is that domestic violence doesn’t start with a slap in the face. Most people who hear about the abuse of others are quick to jump in and say “I would NEVER let that happen to me!”. I really think they say that to protect themselves, to assure them that they are above this, too wise and strong for this to happen. If it were as easy as that, do you really think that domestic violence would span all socioeconomic groups? Or would it only happen to the very unintelligent, weak, or poor? Abusers are hunters. That sounds rather dramatic doesn’t it? However it is the truth. They seek out those that they believe will best be suited to their needs. Once they find their prey, they slowing start testing the waters. Don’t believe me? Well here is how it started for me.

I was young, still in high school. I met an older friend of a friend at a get together. He was attractive. I noticed him as soon as I walked into the room. My boyfriend had recently broken up with me. I was still depressed about that and in an angsty teenage mood of “no one will ever love me”, kind of phase. We’ve all been there right? I didn’t really know any of these people and really just felt out of place. I observed him throughout the night and he eventually started lightly flirting with me. He had the cutest little dimple when he smiled. We all like validation, right? He acted like there was no one but he and I. And I have to say the attention felt good. At the end of the night he asked for my number and said he really wanted to take me out on a real date.

Again lets highlight here that I was young and actually naive about dating. I had some boyfriends in high school, but nothing serious. I was 18, but still a virgin, and didn’t really have plans to give that away to just anyone. Like, I still believed in true love, fate, and fairy tales. I should also point out that there was a significant age difference between the two of us. I’m talking about 7 years. This is important. Is that okay because I was 18? Capable of making “adult decisions”? Would it still be okay if I was a year younger and under 18? Maybe it doesn’t matter because I went along complacently. But maybe it should matter. What is a 25 year old looking for in a relationship with a high school student?

But I digress. The thing is, he said everything that I wanted to hear. He made me feel as if I was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He joked that he felt like he was dating a model. And I lapped it up. To go from feeling completely undesirable to this was everything. And I think he knew that. I was young and naive and I was putty in his hands. He saw the opportunity to mold exactly what he wanted. And he, for his part, played Prince Charming. In the beginning he was exactly what I thought I needed.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t last forever.